ANALYSIS | Why do we feel free to comment on someone else’s weight?

Written by Tito Laclé

Commenting that someone has gained or lost weight is still something that happens very easily in our community.

“You’ve gained weight.”

“You’re getting fat.”

“Wow, you’ve lost a lot!”

For the person making the comment, it may seem like something innocent that lasts only a few seconds. For the person receiving it, the impact can be completely different.

But there is another reality in this discussion that we cannot ignore either: Aruba has a serious problem with overweight and obesity, and that is a public health issue that needs attention.

So I can already hear you asking: where do we draw the line? How can we speak honestly about a real health problem without automatically feeling entitled to comment on every individual’s body?

Two things can be true at the same time, but making that distinction is the most important part.

We can acknowledge that overweight and obesity can create health risks and that, as a community, we need to promote healthier eating, physical activity, prevention and a healthier lifestyle. Certainly here in Aruba.

At the same time, we can recognize that this does not give us permission to evaluate someone else’s body without being asked for our opinion. NO!

Now, do not misunderstand me. Not commenting on someone’s weight does not mean we are saying: “It is fine to stay overweight.”

And respecting a person does not mean we have to ignore the health consequences that excess weight can have.

Those two things are not a contradiction.

A public health problem should be treated as a public health problem. An individual should be treated as a human being.

CONCERN OR JUST A COMMENT?

Naturally, not every comment is intended to hurt someone.

A person may be genuinely concerned. But having good intentions does not automatically make every way of approaching someone appropriate.

We also do not know why a person’s weight has changed. There may be all kinds of circumstances behind it. And even if the person simply ate more, moved less and gained weight, that still does not make their body public property.

The question should be: is my comment actually helping this person, or am I simply saying what I noticed?

Because there is a difference between saying, “You’re getting fat,” and privately approaching someone you care about with sincere concern for their well-being.

FAMILY

Within families there is often more trust, but there are still limits.

Between close relatives, partners or people who have a strong relationship of trust, there may naturally be more room to talk about weight and health.

Especially if you believe that someone you care about may be putting their health at risk, staying silent is not always the answer.

But HOW we speak matters.

There is a major difference between approaching someone privately and delicately, and throwing out a comment in front of other people:

“Wow, you’ve gotten fat!”

TRUST DOES NOT REMOVE THE NEED FOR TACT

And yes, I am not innocent in this either.

Many of us have probably commented on the weight of a relative or friend at some point, sometimes with good intentions.

But the fact that we have done it does not automatically mean it was always right.

Recognizing that is not hypocrisy. It is simply reconsidering a habit that we have normalized.

“AT LEAST I CAN LOSE WEIGHT...”

There is a more provocative way to put the issue into perspective. And this is my favorite example.

It is harsh, cruel, but real. Very real.

Imagine telling someone:

“Wow, you’ve gained a lot of weight.”

And that person turns around and answers:

“Well, at least I can lose weight, but you cannot change or do anything about being ugly.”

Harsh? Yes.

Rude? Definitely.

And it is not an answer I recommend, even though sometimes I KNOW you may feel like saying exactly that. Believe me.

But what makes the reaction to that sentence so interesting is that we immediately recognize how offensive it is to attack someone’s appearance.

So why do comments about weight not always provoke the same reaction?

An inappropriate comment does not justify an insult in return. But the example puts a mirror in front of us:

If I do not want other people making negative comments about my appearance, why do I feel free to do it to them?

At the same time, we should not fall into the opposite extreme either.

The discussion should not become a blank check to ignore obesity.

RESPECT IS NOT THE SAME AS DENIAL

Not shaming people because of their weight does not mean we have to pretend that every level of overweight comes without consequences.

As a community, we should be able to speak openly about healthy weight, nutrition, physical activity, prevention and personal responsibility.

Health professionals, government, schools, families and every individual have a role to play.

But there is a fundamental difference between educating a community and humiliating a person.

Shame should not become our public health strategy.

And concern should not become an excuse for disrespect.

If someone is struggling with their weight, the goal should be to help that person move toward better health, not to make them feel like less of a person.

NOT EVERY OBSERVATION NEEDS TO BECOME A COMMENT

We all notice changes in other people. That is human.

But noticing something does not mean we have to say it.

If someone opens the conversation about their own weight and asks for support or an opinion, naturally the situation is different.

If it is someone you care about and there is a genuine concern about their health, choose the right moment and speak with sensitivity.

But if it is simply an acquaintance you have not seen for a few months, should the first thing they hear really be:

“You’ve gotten fat”?

Maybe not.

“How are you?”

“Good to see you.”

That may be enough.

HEALTH AND RESPECT ARE NOT ENEMIES

At the end of the day, we do not have to choose between two extremes.

We do not have to choose between shaming people because of their weight or pretending that overweight and obesity are not problems.

We can do both things the right way: take obesity seriously as a health issue while at the same time treating the individual with dignity and respect.

A healthier community is not created by making people feel bad about themselves.

It is created through education, prevention, access to healthier choices, physical activity, support and personal responsibility.

And on an individual level, one simple rule can help:

Before commenting on someone else’s body, ask yourself whether your comment is really necessary, whether it helps, and how you would feel if someone did the same to you.

Because caring about the health of our community is necessary.

Shaming people is not.

And respecting someone should never be confused with ignoring the importance of their health.